I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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