Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
