Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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