Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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