hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
