My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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