her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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