Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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