Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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