Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
