I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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