Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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