I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
