He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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