this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
