Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
As shirtless as possible
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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