I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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