just tell him i said nine months
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
