Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
