so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
