the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
