Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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