1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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