I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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