if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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