Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
