Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
