plz talk dirty to me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
