Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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