Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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