Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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