I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
