I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
