I wanna bring you to show and tell
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
