She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
