it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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