I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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