I'm so fucking centered right now
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
