Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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