I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
