i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
