The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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