If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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