Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm like, not good at living.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
