Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
is wine microwaveable?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
