so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
