so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
