There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
