this beer tastes like vomit already
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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