mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He shit in the fireplace
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
