the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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