I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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