Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
