Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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